To love yourself, you must accept yourself

This is a life lesson I have learned over the past couple of years.  It is a valuable one, which every one should learn.  Everyone has the right to love and be loved, but it is surprising how many people do not love themselves.  I’ve been there.  Trust me, loving yourself everyday is so much more enjoyable than hating who you are, what you see in the mirror, that past or current life of yours you try to bury but really you can’t because it’s eating you alive.  So when you are in this dark place of hating who you are, where do you go?  How do you even start?  What can you possibly do to learn how to love yourself?

Acceptance.  Here is the first step.  You must learn to accept yourself.  No, not the person you wish you were, but the true you.  Acknowledge the things that you do not like and that cannot be changed.  These are the features and or qualities you must learn to love.  It is healthier to accept the things that cannot be changed rather than resist them.  Being different and unique makes us who we are.  I used to wish I could look like a stick thin, six-foot tall run way model.  Reality, NEVER GONNA HAPPEN!  I am short but I have learned to hold myself tall and proud.  I used to get bullied for my skin colour, those words of malice stayed in my mind and I learned to hate my colour.  Years later I have learned to love it and hey, I can wear any colour I like!  Embrace your age; you have lived rich experiences throughout your years.  Cherish the memories.  Love your laugh, it means that you are happy.  Your eyes portray to others your warmth, love and happiness, accept the shape and colour they are.  Your nose, you may hate it but someone out there thinks it makes you look beautiful.  Believe in your ability to sing/create/run/jump/fly…what ever it is you love to do, you are good at it and it brings you joy. 

On the flip side I used to hate being the ‘fat’ girl.  This was something I could control; I did not have to resign myself to being this way forever.  I took control and I changed something about myself that I could.  You can change the way you relate to people, you can teach yourself to be more caring.  You can learn to control your outbursts of rage, anger and frustration.  If you’re not happy with your weight, do something about it.  If you hate the way you push people away, recognise why and change. 

Unrealistic expectations set us back from achieving any change.  Have a think.  What do you dislike about yourself?  Write a list.  Now sort this list into two, ‘things about myself I need to accept’ and ‘things about myself I would like to change’.  What is reasonable?  What is achievable?  Remember you have got to be positive.  Positive self-talk is crucial to accepting who you are.

Now write down five things that you love about yourself.  Stick this on your mirror, it should be the first thing you see in the morning and the last thing you see before you go to bed.

The serenity prayer composed by Reinhold Niebuhr, has been around for decades and has been adopted by AA groups and other twelve step programs globally.  I first heard it on the television show ‘Desperate Housewives’ and found it rather comforting.  This one line made me realise that I cannot control everything about myself or generally in life.  I learned to focus on what I could and to control the controllable.  So here it is, read it slowly and let it sink in. 

Give me the grace to accept with serenity, the things that cannot be changed, the courage to change the things that should be changed and the wisdom to distinguish the difference.

Liz Xox