When this is
your view. You're upset, tired, stressed, basically just fed up and have had
it. You've had your melt down, you've cried your heart out. You're alone. What
happens next? What do you do?
My head cleared, ok. I just have to emotionally
survive. I've spent my life putting up emotional barriers. This is becoming
clear to me. When ever I have been emotionally hurt, I've immediately shut
myself down, I deal on my own, or maybe I don't deal with anything? I just
bury. I'm good at burying my emotions. Maybe I thought that I could protect
myself? Maybe I thought that all I had to do was not get attached to anyone so
they couldn't hurt me? This is starting to become quite clear to me. I don't
really trust people. I find it super hard to trust people. It takes a long time
for me to consider someone a friend. People have a habit of leaving or letting
you down. This is my experience.
Liz
Xox
When this is
your view. You're upset, tired, stressed, basically just fed up and have had
it. You've had your melt down, you've cried your heart out. You're alone. What
happens next? What do you do?
My head cleared, ok. I just have to emotionally
survive. I've spent my life putting up emotional barriers. This is becoming
clear to me. When ever I have been emotionally hurt, I've immediately shut
myself down, I deal on my own, or maybe I don't deal with anything? I just
bury. I'm good at burying my emotions. Maybe I thought that I could protect
myself? Maybe I thought that all I had to do was not get attached to anyone so
they couldn't hurt me? This is starting to become quite clear to me. I don't
really trust people. I find it super hard to trust people. It takes a long time
for me to consider someone a friend. People have a habit of leaving or letting
you down. This is my experience.
So I've had
"issues" or "stuff" going on...(don't we all?) I've pretty much kept the most
of it all bottled up. Because hey that's what I've always done. I've spent my
life being very independent. I have always been very organised and punctual. I
have created a life for myself that allows minimal emotional communication.
Subconsciously I've thought that showing emotion was weak.
This has
only just dawned on me. I have only just realised that I've made myself so self
sufficient that I haven't allowed myself to experience love. Now when I say
this I don't mean that I don't love my friends or family. I do, but not in a
way that I could ever pour out my soul to them. So this moment of clarity has
taught me that I need to let go of some of this control and start to bring down
some barriers. I have definitely brought some down in the past year on my
journey to change myself. Every kilo I shed taught me a lesson about self
respect and self love. I've learned to love myself. It's now time for me to
learn to love and trust others.
So I decide
it is time to head home. What comes on the radio? Lean
on me - Bill Withers. Yep, maybe, just maybe, sometimes I need
to learn to swallow my pride and lean on someone else.
Liz
Xox
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