I've seen this image pop up on my feeds a few times lately and for the life of me i can't find a title or artist. However for me it is an extremely powerful image with so much background both both the top and bottom woman. The top woman is freeing herself...
Do I feel free? I got asked this the other day and quite frankly, yes. Yes I do, most of the time anyway. It made me really think about my life
and the choices I make. But first,
what even is “free?” According to
good old Google, “free” means being able to act or be done as one wishes, not
under the control of another”. I
am extremely fortunate and grateful to live in Australia and to be able to live
a “free” life. However, there is
literally being free and living in a free country, and then there is being free
from your mind, the pressures of others and those of contemporary society. For so many people, myself at times
included, your mind and body can feel like a prison, they control you. You can feel those caged ghosts
screaming inside, rattling around, trying to get out, but you don’t know how to
release them, to “free” them.
I used to feel trapped, stuck and generally
like I was living in a prison that was my mind and body. I knew I needed to change this around,
not only for my physical health, but also for my mental health. First I had to decide what I
wanted. I wanted to feel
free. Wanted to be free from
the fat. I wanted to be happy, and
at the time “skinny”. Yes, while I
no longer believe that “skinny” is a measurable or even healthy goal to have,
that was what my 100kg self wanted.
She thought that if she was “skinny” all her demons would magically
disappear, the judgment would disappear.
It took me awhile to realise that this wasn’t going to be the case. For that to happen, I had to free
myself… free my mind and my body from the dark cloud of negativity and hatred
that clouded my life. Exercising
and eating to nourish my body helped to clear my head and put me in the right
frame of mind to deal with my demons.
I’m not gonna lie, IT WAS HARD!
Every time I went to criticise myself, I
consciously had to stop, and flip it.
This was incredibly difficult in the beginning because I didn’t feel
worthy of a compliment. If other
people complimented me I would convince myself that they were just being
polite, and I sure as hell never complimented myself. But I did it anyway, I was consistent and persisted with
it. With time, I was able to build
myself up, and I learned not to care about what other people thought about me,
good or bad. I hated the way I
looked and felt like my body was a prison determining what I could and could
not wear, how I would and would not feel.
It messed with my head. I
wanted to overcome this hatred. So
my action was simple, every day I would look at myself in the mirror. At first that was terrifying
enough. Once I got used to looking
in the mirror, and looking myself in the eyes. I started to compliment myself, all the things other people
told me, that I had never believed.
And at first I didn’t believe myself, but I persisted and did this every
day. I soon started to believe
that I was beautiful, that I did have skin that glowed and gorgeous silky
hair. Overtime I started to
believe that my smile could light up a room. Slowly, with time I started to feel free. I started to feel happier with myself
and with my body.
I am learning not to buy into the pressures
of everyday life and those of society, although this is easier said than
done. I also think that these
pressures are unavoidable for everyone, unless of course you’re willing to go
and live alone on a deserted island in some random location. So instead of avoiding these pressures,
we have to learn to cope with them.
I know what I want from life, and I have put into action what I need to
do to achieve those goals. So
whilst I complain that I am totally buggered, stressed and pull long days, I
know that these are the pay offs for me achieving my goals. I know that if I want to graduate from
Uni, I need to put in the hard work to study, now. I know that if I want to be strong and healthy, that I need
to nourish my body and train, now.
I know that if I want to support myself to live a comfortable life, I
need to work, now, not tomorrow.
Yep, it might be tough and there will be times I get frustrated and
totally over it, but this is what I have chosen to do. I have chosen to pursue my dreams. And at the end of the day, this is what
being “free” is, being able to choose what ever it is you want to do without
being told otherwise.
Liz Xox
