Dear Man,

For those of you who do not know me, on the side of my studies, I work in retail, in the menswear department.  The other day I had quite a large man looking for pants in a size larger than we stock.  He was polite enough…an average customer.  My heart in my mouth, my heart hurting for him already, I told him as sensitively as I could “unfortunately the 7XL is the largest size we stock, but you can always give it a try”.  All of a sudden he turned and snapped at me, his face frowning, “What would you know about being big?  You’re a tiny thing standing there, telling me what to do”.  He then stormed off. 

Needless to say I was shocked and hurt.  He would have been extremely embarrassed and I was simply confused and upset.  First of all, I have NEVER been referred to as ‘tiny’ in my entire life!  That alone is something I need to get my own head around.  Secondly, I probably understand how he was feeling a lot better than he thought, and more than most other people would too.

I found myself feeling sorry for the guy, if he had stuck around, I probably would have told him that yes; I know exactly how it feels to not fit into the largest size in the store, to walk out in tears hating yourself.  I would have told him that I know all too well how not being able to simply go clothes shopping totally crushes any tiny amount of self-esteem you managed to conjure up that day, how you try to internalise the emotions so that no one else can see how unhappy you really are.  I understand that you put on a brave face for your family and friends so that they don’t worry.  You simply ‘don’t like’ most styles of clothing because you know you would never be able to wear it, but secretly, you LOVE the clothes…if only, maybe one day…yeah, one day I’ll lose the weight.  You’re doubtful that the largest size in the store will fit you, but you try it on anyway, it doesn’t do up…no way will it do up, like never in a million years, I mean there is a good three or four inches to make it close!  But you tell people it’s “not quite right” to avoid telling them it’s WAAAAAAAAY too small, it’s a wonder you didn’t rip it trying to pull it over your head! 

I understand this mans frustration and hurt.  Being overweight, fat, obese, morbidly obese, heavy or large is not something anyone can understand.  It is only if you have been there yourself that you can TRULY understand how it feels.  I do not blame this man for blurting out what he did, nor do I blame anyone else who doesn’t ‘GET’ what it feels like to be ‘fat’.  How could they/you know?  I am HAPPY that you don’t know what it is like; I wouldn’t wish it on my greatest enemy.  It is a pain beyond the physical, it lies deep within you slowly crushing you and eating away at your soul.  You feel fake, but pretend you’re not.  It’s tough.  What more can I say?  What do I want to say… what would I say to this man if I saw him again, if this ever happened to me again?  “I’ve been there, I truly do understand”. 

Liz Xox