Mind games? Yes, that little voice inside your head, the one that
accompanies you in your day-to-day life.
That voice I bet is reading to you right now. Yep, that one. It can either be a positive power
house, or completely destructive.
On one hand you can train it to work with you, moving you through the
day with a positive, happy mindset.
Or you can swing the other way; by putting yourself down internally you
are allowing that voice to take over.
Enough of these negative messages will eventually break you down, and
soon enough you find yourself believing that voice inside your head. I know all too well the mind games
people play…how? Because at some
point in the past I’ve played all of them myself!
You know the games. There is the comparison game, the quick
once over when you meet someone new “oh damn, she’s prettier than me” or “it’s
ok, I’m slimmer than her” or “it’s not fair, if she can eat that block of
chocolate, why can’t I?” Then there are the games you play on yourself when you
simply ‘want’ something, “I deserve that chocolate because I’ve had a rough
day!” that one is a justification, an excuse. How about the truly destructive thoughts or games, “You
don’t deserve to be happy, you fat cow!”
Or, “How could anyone possibly like a fat reject like yourself?” “Everyone hates you, you’re no good at
that.” You see what I mean? Those down trodden, nasty comments you
make to yourself…they hurt.
Realistically, think about it…would you speak to your mother like
that? How about your brother, best
friend or neighbour? No? I didn’t think so. So why then are we then more than
willing to talk to ourselves like this?
For me it started with being bullied in
primary school. A young child is
no match for the harsh words of bullies, and like many others I started to
believe those bullies. I started
to truly believe their harsh words and take them on board, stew over them all
day, and then fall asleep at night, their words still ringing in my ears. I think the old sticks and stones
mantra is a load of BS! Bones heal
within weeks, enough harsh words and down trodden comments can break a person
emotionally…that sort of pain can take years to overcome.
Anyway, I recognise being bullied at
school as the start of my destructive mind games. The longer this continued, the worse I felt about myself and
the more I believed what was being said about me, to me. Whenever other children would
tell me I was bad at something, I believed them. I have horrific memories especially of sport at school. It wasn’t like Maths where I could hide
my “failures”, no. Sport was out
in the open for everyone to see.
So now that I believed I was crap, I told myself that I was crap and
therefore worthless. Can you see
how the vicious cycle started? So
from there it just snowballed, the mind games continued through high school,
and then followed me to university and my new post school life. It was here that I slowly learned who
to surround myself with, those who lifted me up rather than those who put me
down. At school I was stuck with
the same people everyday day, there was no escaping. In the real world, I realised that it was my responsibility
to choose happy or choose unhappy.
I love this word, RESPONSIBILITY.
Essentially, I see it to mean that I have the ABILITY TO RESPOND to
any situation in any way that I like.
I know that I am responsible for looking after myself, emotionally and
physically.
So that’s how the vicious cycle of mind
games started for me. That little
voice inside your head ain’t going anywhere…so here is what I have learned
about whipping that voice into shape. You have to really want to change and be
willing to work hard at it every day.
You need to be able to identify where and when the negativity started
and deal with those emotions. I’ve fought a war with my mind to turn it
around. It is a battle that
continues today and will continue probably for the rest of my life, that’s just
how it is, no point complaining about it!
I think it is natural to play mind games
with ourselves…I mean, that little voice it is there for good! So why not use
it for good? I try now to play
positive mind games. Whether it is
waking up and smiling as I jump out of bed, rather than rolling over groaning
screaming “it’s not fair!” and drifting back to sleep. In training, it is those that push you
to your limits that I tend to play.
For example here is a game I play with my heart rate monitor, I’ll push
my heart rate to 170+bpm, hold it for a period of time and then engage in “active recovery” where I drop my
intensity and let my heart rate drop down to 140bpm, before raising it again. I believe in myself and trust that my
body will do what my mind tells it to.
Every day I try to focus on the positives, it isn’t always easy but it’s
like anything else, the more you do it, the easier it gets. When I meet someone new, I focus on
their personality rather than their appearance. I try really hard to no judge anyone and to never speak
negatively about someone’s appearance.
I know all too well how this can destroy the person. Essentially I try to live every day as
the best version of myself, that person doesn’t actively hurt others.
So how do you combat those negative mind
games yourself? It’s simple, but
not easy. You have to recognise
the games you play with yourself and why. You must recognise and deal with
those emotions and then start to flip them from the negative to the positive. So instead of “I can’t” it has to
become “I can”. Or “I’m no good at
that” to “I am damn well good enough and I’m gonna prove it!” It does take time. The mind takes along time to
change. I am still changing mine
over a year later and I still struggle with this on a daily basis. But patience and consistency is the
key. Believe you can and you will.
Liz Xox
You're a genius!
ReplyDelete