Seriously! WHY?!

Control.  In the past I always felt the need to control everything.  I couldn’t and I didn’t, but I tried.  I have learned to let go and control the controllable and let the rest take care of itself.  Even though I am much more relaxed and generally happy to go with the flow in life, it is now that people THINK I have everything under control.  I certainly don’t!  But I mean, really… does anyone have everything ‘under control’?  I don’t think so.  Unfortunately life doesn’t come with a manual and if for some magical reason you did have everything totally under control, I would have to assume that you are some kind of magical super human.

Anyway, I still can’t help but wonder why people think I have everything in my life under control?  Is it the way I carry myself and talk about myself?  The fact that I manage to balance things out and attend to each aspect of my life be that work, uni, gym, travel, friends, family?  Is it my newfound confidence and independence?  I don’t know, I can only really assume so.  It confuses me!  People confuse me.  Relationships confuse me.  Uni confuses me, and work confuses me.  Sometimes I go through the course of my day, get home, collapse and wonder why I work so hard?  Like seriously, WHY?  Sometimes I feel like everything on paper looks perfect, the perfect life.  But when it comes to reality, I am running around like a crazy person obsessed with… well…everything!  I get: “how do you do it?” “You’re so good!” “You need to take a brake!”  “Do you even breathe?”  A lot of the time the answer is simply, I don’t know, then I think about it and realise that I simply do JFDI!  I have high aspirations and want a lot out of life so I am willing to work my butt off for them.  It just so happens that like everyone else out there, I am running around trying to find the meaning of life.  What even is that?  I mean, why doesn’t life come with a manual?  Should it?  Would that make life boring?  I think it would, it would take away our individuality… we wouldn’t have to opportunities to learn from experience.

This post is a probably a bit hard to follow and confusing to read and I feel for you if you are persisting through the crazy jumbled up words that represent the mess and confusion in my head at the moment.  I know that I am on the right path and I know what I want in life.  I know that to achieve these things I have to work bloody hard!  That is why I do what I do, to set myself up in life, to achieve what I want to achieve.  Because there is no greater feeling than reaching your goals, that’s why!

Liz Xox